Jokes and facts about Canada

A Jewish person, an American and a Canadian were riding in a car together and were involved in a very bad accident. The ambulance took them all to hospital together but they were just barely alive....as a matter of fact all three expired in the same operating room while doctors were working on them.

Suddenly the three of them appeared in the clouds at St. Peters Gate and as they approached, St. Peter gestured to the American and said, "If you give me fifty dollars I'll send you back....you are too young to be up here so soon."

The American whipped out fifty bucks and....poof! He jumped off the operating table in perfect conition! Not a scratch on him. The doctors were amazed and asked him how come?

He said that all he knew is that the three of them were "up there" with St. Peter and when St. Peter asked him for fifty bucks to send him back....he paid it and....poof! Here he was!

The doctors couldn't help but be amazed and asked him, "You say those other two were up there with you?" (They were on the next two operating tables in the room) The American said "Yes they were."

The doctors then asked him, "Well what about them? Are they coming back too? What were they doing when you left?"

The American said, "Well, all I can say is when I looked back at them just before I left the Jew was arguing about the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his!"

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Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell.

The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"

The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh."

The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat.

The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?"

Again the two guys reply, "Well, like we told ya yesterday, we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh."

This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves."

The two Canadians reply, "Well, ya know, we don't get too much warm weather up there in Toronto so we've just got to have a cook-out when the weather's THIS nice."

The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.

The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth.

The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Canadians.

He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, toques, and mittens. NOW they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!!

The devil is dumbfounded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two???"

The Torontonians look at the devil in surprise, "Well, don't you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean the Toronto Maple Leafs have won the Stanley Cup."

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One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverage three flys landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the head of the beer.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Canadian too , picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!"

In Canada we have two Seasons...six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobile weather.

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Q: How do you stop bacon from curling in the frying pan?

A: Take away their brooms!

GOT ANYMORE SHORT JOKES ABOUT CANADA? EMAIL THEM TO ME!

Political Facts

• Canada became The Dominion of Canada on July 1st, 1867. It officially became a country in 1982.
• Canada is a constitutional monarchy and a federal state with a democratic parliament.
• The Parliament is in Ottawa and is comprised of the House of Commons (Lower House) and the Senate (The Upper House - whose members are appointed)
• Members of Parliament are elected approximately every 4 years. Elections may be called early or terms can be as long as 5 years. A vote of non-confidence in the government (where the government no longer has the support of 50 percent of the House) may also force an election. This occurred in 1979 when PM Joe Clark's government lost the support of the House and an election was called within a year of that government coming to power. Senators are appointed by the Prime Minister and hold their positions until they are 75.
• Right now there are currently 5 officially recognized parties in the House of Commons: The Liberals, Canadian Alliance, Bloc Quebecois, Progressive Conservatives and the New Democratic Party.
• Canada currently sits on the United Nations Security Council as a non-permanent representative.
• Canada is a member of many international organizations including NATO, OSCE, OAS and APEC.

Geography Facts

• Canada's land mass is 9 970610 km² (The world's second largest country)
• Ottawa is the Capital of Canada (located in Ontario)
• Canada has 10 provinces and 3 territories.
• There are more than 100 national parks and historic sites in Canada. (Many Provincial too)
• Mountain Ranges include: Torngats, Appalachians, Laurentians, Rocky, Costal, Mackenzie, Mt.St. Elias and the Pelly Mountairs.
• At 6050 m above sea level, Mount Logan in the Yukon is Canada's tallest peak.
• Great Bear lake is the largest lake in Canada with an area of 31 326 km²
• The longest river is the Mackenzie River flowing 4241 km through the NWT.
• Canada has six time zones. In NFLD the time zone is 3 hours and 30 minutes past Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) The other time zones are full hours behind GMT. The farthest west is the Pacific at 8 hours behind GMT.
• Canada's capital, Ottawa, has the coldest average temperature of any capital city in the world.

National Symbols Facts

• The National emblem is the maple leaf and has been associated with Canada since the 1700's. 
• The flag of Canada has two red bars and a white center - within there being a maple leaf. It was adopted as the National Flag in 1965. (Before hand Canada used the Union Jack - the British Flag for its flag.) 
• The National Anthem for Canada is "O Canada" - proclaimed on July 1st 1980 - a century after being sung for the first time. (Before hand Canadians sang God Save the Queen/King)

Canadian Money and Economic Facts

• The Canadian dollar is divided into 100 cents (like the American dollar) 
• In Canada $1 and are represented by coins. Nicknamed the "loonie" (because there is a loon on it) and the Twonie (I guess because it rhymes with loonie.)
• Principle Natural Resources are: natural gas, oil, gold, coal, copper, iron ore, nickel, potash, uranium, and zinc along with wood and water.
• The GDP for Canada in 1992 (recession year) was (in Canadian Dollars) .5 Billion.
• Leading Industries: automobile manufacturing, pulp and paper, iron, steel work, machinery and equipment manufacturing, mining, extraction of fossil fuels, forestry and agriculture.
• Leading exports are: automobile vehicles and parts, machinery and equipment, high technology products, oil, natural gas, metals and forest farm products.
• Imports are: machinery and industrial equipment, (communications and electronic equipment, vehicles and automobile parts, industrial materials (ie: metal ores, iron, steel, precious metals, chemicals, plastics, cotton, wool and other textiles) along with manufactured products and food.

Penny /home/free/cgi-bin/util/sitebuilder.01 CND	Nickel /home/free/cgi-bin/util/sitebuilder.05 CND	Dime /home/free/cgi-bin/util/sitebuilder.10	Quarter /home/free/cgi-bin/util/sitebuilder.25 CND
50 Cent Piece /home/free/cgi-bin/util/sitebuilder.50 CND	Dollar Coin (aka "loonie" $1.00 CND	Two Dollar Coin (aka "twoonie" .00 CND

Canadian Population Facts

• The population of Canada as of July 2005 was 32,805,041.
• The largest city in Canada is Toronto followed by Montreal, Vancouver, Ottawa, and Edmonton
• 76.6 per cent of Canadians live in cities and towns while 23.4 per cent live in rural areas.
• 31 per cent of the population live in the largest cities of Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver
• The life expectancy of a Canadian woman is 80 years and a Canadian man is 77 years
• The size of the average family is 3.1 people (including 1.3 children
• Multiculturalism (as opposed to the melting pot ideology) was officially recognized in 1988 with the Multiculturalism Act.
• Majority of Canadians are Christians 54.2 percent of Canadians are Roman Catholic, other religions in Canada include: Protestantism, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Sikhism and Buddhism
• In 1991: 16.1 Canadians had a mother tongue of English, 6.5 million had a mother tongue of French (many Canadians had another mother tongue but spoke one or both official languages).
• The largest ethnic groups in Canada are: British, French, German, Italian, Ukrainian, Dutch, Polish, Chinese, South Asian, Jewish, West Indian, Portuguese and Scandinavian

Lifestyle Facts

• Canada has one of the world's highest living standards. In 1991: 83 percent of households had 1 car, 97.5 had colour televisions and 1 out of 5 had a computer. (surely that has increased by now)
• All Canadians have free access to health care with the exception of dental services. Most people over 65 receive their prescriptions for free.
• Canada has an extensive social safety network with old age pensions, family allowance, unemployment insurance and welfare.
• Popular sports in Canada include Ice Hockey, swimming, cross-country and alpine skiing, baseball, tennis, basketball, soccer and golf. Many would suggest that the most preferred spectator sports are Ice Hockey and Canadian Football.

First Nations Facts

• In 1991 there were 533 000 status or non-status Indians and over one million claimed to be of native descent. Of these 783 980 were NA Indians, 212 650 were Metis and 49 255 were Inuit
• 295 032 natives lived on reserves in 1991.
• The only indigenous culture in Canada is that of the Native peoples since all other Canadians were originally immigrants.